


Forever Starts Today

by Seicchanart



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:28:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28859574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seicchanart/pseuds/Seicchanart
Summary: Rachel stands on top of a skyscraper and thinks.(Sequel to "Rotten")
Relationships: Jonathan Crane/Rachel Dawes
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Forever Starts Today

The cool wind is blowing through her hair, stroking her face in an almost grounding touch, and the only thing Rachel can think about is how disappointed Bruce must be in her. Bruce had always put her on a pedestal, had always seen her as some beacon of light, hope and justice or something, and Rachel had always known she would shatter that picture someday.

She stares at her hands, and rubs over her fingers. She never thought it would end that way, with blood on her hands, but it had. Rachel has killed someone, taken a life, and she doesn’t even regret it. She would do it all over again if she had to.

When she imagines Bruce’s reaction to her thinking that, she laughs, a bitter, joyless sound. Rachel starts kicking her legs and looks into the night sky above her. It’s pitch black, but she can’t see any stars. It’s the city, after all.

For some reason, that only deepens the dark pit in her stomach, and she stops laughing. She feels unhinged and tired, and she looks down onto the road to watch the cars. Rachel is sitting on the roof of a skyscraper, right on the edge. She feels so small in the universe, and utterly alone. The cars below look like toys, racing through the streets of Gotham. It seems so pointless, somehow.

Everything seems pointless. She thinks about Harvey, thinks about how he had kissed her, how he had hugged her, how she had caressed his face, felt his stubble on his cheeks. Rachel swallows heavily, but she can’t cry anymore. She feels like all her tears had run out. The only thing she could feel anymore was bitterness and guilt.

It’s also pointless to think about him still, to feel guilty and to wish she hadn’t run away. It’s pointless, all of it is, but Rachel can't help but do it anyway.

Finally, she thinks about Crane. Crane, who she had found unlikable upon their very first meeting. Crane, who had proceeded to treat her like something less, something below him. Crane, who had poisoned her, tried to kill her thrice. Crane, who saved her, who helped her, Crane, who stood next to her and steadied her hand on the gun when everything came together.

She still doesn’t know why he went through so much trouble for her. She _knows_ he doesn’t like her very much, the disdain and condescendence in his voice during their early days definitely hadn’t been acted. She also knows that he doesn’t like taking unnessecary risks, otherwise he wouldn’t have survived that long.

They had lived together for the last few months, until Rachel had succeeded in her goal of taking down the Joker. It had been awkward, and she had been on edge most of the time, but Rachel can’t deny that she probably would’ve gone completely crazy if it hadn’t been for him.

It’s weird, feeling kind of thankful to a guy who has tried to kill her before. A guy she has slept with before, too, after they had beaten the shit out of each other.

Rachel snorts at the memory. It hadn’t happened again, after that, of course it hadn’t. They had both kept their distance, rarely even talked. She feels no desire to talk to him even now, although there is something dark and possessive growing inside of her, towards him.

She doesn’t care about him, not really, not as a person, at least. As a concept, a support system - she supposes she doesn’t really care about him in that way either, but it is true that she needs him.

 _Needed_ him.

Rachel finally stands up, and she almost loses balance when a few pebbles slide down the edge from under her shoes. Her heart is beating so fast she can feel it in her ears, and she feels nauseous.

She’s ready, but she thinks she might need to throw up beforehand.

Rachel laughs again when she thinks that there isn’t even anyone left to miss her. It’s perfect. She can just disappear in peace, with nothing more than is already there weighting on her conscience.

She spreads her arms and closes her eyes, waits and feels the wind on her skin. Rachel Dawes takes a deep breath, her last breath.

Or so it should’ve been.

Instead, someone grabs her from behind, pressing a hand down on her mouth to muffle her scream, and pulls her from the edge.

The grip is so strong it hurts, but she can’t bring herself to care about that as blind panic takes control of her body, and she flails.

“Shh! It’s just me, _Jesus Christ_.”

Rachel stops struggling immediately, even before she consciously recognizes his voice. When she turns to look at him, she thinks, almost tenderly this time, _Of course he’s here. He’s always with me when I’m at my lowest._

(Watching, observing, with sadistic curiosity. It feels almost comforting, right now.)

Crane looks angry, and he’s out of breath. Rachel is still wondering why when he starts yelling at her.

“What were you thinking?! That’s dangerous, you know? Are you drunk?”

Rachel laughs, and Crane shoves her, irritated. It takes a while for her to calm down again.

“What?”, she manages to say, still slightly giggling. “What do you care? I’m not drunk.”

Crane’s eyes widen, and then realization washes over his features. He rolls his eyes. He’s seemed to have calmed down now, his usual nonchalant attitude back in place.

“You’re so stupid.”

Rachel would’ve hit him for that normally, but as things are right now, she can only laugh. She lays down on the cold floor of the roof, Crane sitting in front of her.

“Probably. Can you leave me alone now?”

“So that you can kill yourself? No.”, he scoffs.

Suddenly, Rachel’s mood swings, and she gets angry. He's so irritating. 

“Again, what do you care? It doesn’t matter to you.”

She can almost physically hear how he grits his teeth. He’s getting irritated too, but he’s doing better at hiding it than she is. Ever the psychiatrist.

“It matters-”, Crane takes a deep breath and starts massaging the bridge of his nose. His glasses get pushed up by this, and Rachel stares at it reflecting the light of Gotham City by night. “Because we’re not even yet.”

Rachel frowns.

“What are you talking about?”

Crane visibly relaxes in front of her, and a grin spreads on his face. It’s inappropriate, probably, but Rachel couldn’t care less.

(He looks tired, dishevelled and unhinged. Rachel thinks he’s way more attractive this way than he is when he’s playing the orderly businessman.)

“Well, I helped you, didn’t I?”

He slides closer, like a predator stalking its prey, and Rachel is immediately trapped in his gaze.

“I took you in. Helped you achieve your goal. Without me, you would have died.”

She nods slowly. She knows all that, but fails to understand what he’s playing at. Crane’s face hardens again, and his jaw clenches.

“You still have to pay me back.”

Rachel is at a loss for words. She sits up, slowly, and looks at him, almost apologetically.

“I don’t have anything to give you.”

Crane rolls his eyes.

“That’s for me to decide, isn’t it?”

He slides closer yet again, and grabs a strand of her hair, lightly pulling on it. His voice is almost cold as he speaks. It’s grounding, in a weird way.

“You’re mine. Until you’ve paid off your debt, you won’t do anything stupid, understood?”

Rachel nods, and tries to free her lock of hair. He grabs it harder.

“And after that?”

Crane scoffs, and finally drops her hair from his grasp. He stands up, and pats his suit to rid it off the dust from the rooftop ground.

“After that, you can do whatever you want.”

Rachel grits her teeth. He never said anything about conditions before, but that’s her fault for taking his help without question, she guesses.

When she stands up, her legs are wobbly, and she almost trips. Crane catches her with both arms, and they sway for a moment. Rachel thinks they’re going to fall again, Crane is too weak to support her on his own, but they don’t. Together, they find their balance again, and she immediately takes a step away from him when they’re standing again.

She still doesn’t understand what on earth he could want from her, what she could do to pay her debt, but that isn’t for her to worry about.

Rachel still feels bitter, but when she sees the sun rising at the edge of Gotham City, tinting the sky orange and red instead of black, everything feels a little less pointless.

She’ll manage. And after she’s done, she will return here. Maybe.

(Little does she know that Crane doesn’t know how she could pay her debt, either.)

**Author's Note:**

> nothing i draw or write about them has anything to do with the movies anymore, and honestly that's so sexy of me.


End file.
